A 2004 University of North Carolina study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” established that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements on their degree of “relationship happiness”. Moreover, they experienced improved and healthier numbers of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. This is because mindfulness can be a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as others.
We’re human; conflicts are a predictable portion of life’s journey. In the anger management where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant close proximity, it’s natural that individuals won’t always see eye to eye with one another. Imagine such an instance, once your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your partner says and does (and by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is an immediate response and bitterness is the path; These emotions call forth reactions instead of principled responses. A lot of regrettable actions and thoughts take place in such moments. I remember when i did a talk within a bookstore and noted the phrase “Sticks and stones may break bone tissues but words will never hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words may cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long after broken bones have been healed. There were a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote an audio lesson entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
As an alternative to holding on to this negativity, you’ll be able to consciously elect to behave differently. Let’s consider it together. Picture yourself in that heated moment when you’re flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. What if you were in a position to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or perhaps your partner?
Remember that you don’t have to be physically and even verbally abusive to get violent. Even thoughts might be destructive, especially because they’re inadvertently reflected in your attitudes and behaviors. For example, you will become withdrawn and important within the argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The opposite person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the opposite way round, and before very long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting distracted by them. And instead, you will want to strike in the event the iron is cold? Allow yourself to cool down and funky off, and share your emotions and thoughts when you’re ready and are capable of clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any kind implies that you’re identified using the thinking mind.
This means you don’t begin to see the other individual anymore, only your individual notion of that individual. To reduce the aliveness of another individual to a concept has already been a form of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Suppose you are on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves is the span of life. It doesn’t matter how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown astray sometimes. The most capable fishermen and sailors know that sometimes a good thing you’ll be able to do-or the one thing you’ll be able to do-is to merely ride the storm. Allow the feelings blow due to you then pass. Ride from the mental storm. It’s simply a cascade of chemicals, you realize, depending on fear. These are simply waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you pointed out that it’s much easier to stay afloat whenever you relax your body as an alternative to whenever you tense up and panic within the water?
Embrace the storms, then, in your journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown inside their drama either. Keep yourself grounded using these mantras:
Storms always pass. There’s no need to panic or fear.
Ride the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later I am going to analyze the storm. Now We need only observe it. Now I am going to hold on and pull through.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to take a seat and analyze the storm, and to know very well what caused it. You can also discover the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance would you notice?
What helped you pull through? How can you choose this transition easier down the road?
Use the storm as a possible opportunity to gain potentially profitable new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Most importantly, do not forget that storms really are a portion of life, however, you hold the capacity to navigate your way through them. You will always go back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles tend not to block the road; those are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Alter your Story, Alter your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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